My Journey to Islam

Alhamdulillah. Was salatu was salamu ‘ala Rasoolillah.

It is narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“A statement that does not begin with praise of Allah and blessing upon me, remains deficient and bereft of blessings.”

(Abu Dawud, 13/184)

I was born into and raised by a Hindu family in Singapore. I followed the ritual practices as I was taught growing up. I was intrigued by all the different idols and wondered who was the most powerful, that I could devote my worship to.

There wasn’t really a clear answer to that question. I would stare at the images hoping to connect with them. I would only get a strange, empty and uneasy feeling in my heart as I would look into the eyes of the idols. Some of them looked sinister even. None presented the benevolent deity I sought, that I could truly devote myself to. They were idols of men, women, and even animals. I also wondered why there were scary-looking demonic sculptures at the temple. I sincerely prayed, nevertheless.

As I got older, I became more of a free thinker. I could see that the Hindus around me themselves didn’t really take religion very seriously. And that had an effect. No one knew the scriptures. It was mostly culture, rituals, and tradition. I grew a distaste for the culture and gravitated towards Western culture instead.

I watched Indian movies with actors who made a mockery of their Gods, with comical scenes and dialogue. I remember a scene (or was it half the movie?) of the good and bad deities shooting arrows back and forth at one another. It was ridiculous to me, even as a Hindu. It was like watching a cartoon, although it was supposed to be a depiction of Gods.

لَوْ كَانَ فِيهِمَآ ءَالِهَةٌ إِلَّا ٱللَّهُ لَفَسَدَتَاۚ فَسُبْحَٰنَ ٱللَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَرْشِ عَمَّا يَصِفُونَ

“Had there been within the heavens and earth gods besides Allah, they both would have been ruined. So exalted is Allah, Lord of the Throne, above what they describe.” The Quran, 21:22

There was no reverence, it was mostly folklore and mythology. There were some movies that were serious, but they were still movies after all, and just seemed fake or overdone. In some movies, the idols would take revenge on the bad guys in the end and justice would be served. But that did not relate to my experience. Sometimes actors would even express anger at Gods for not responding to them. It just didn’t make a lot of sense.

I wanted to know my Creator. I knew this wasn’t it.

I stopped praying to the idols when I realized that I only prayed to ask for things. I somehow felt like a hypocrite for it. I become curious about other religions, to seek answers about God.

I remained a free thinker for the most part of my 20s. I believed there is a God, and I couldn’t ascribe an image to Him. I needed to know more. The religions I had exposure to, just seemed amiss. They didn’t resonate as truth. When I was young my family mentioned that Islam is very strict, when we casually talked about other religions. When I was young I did find Islam to be unique and interesting in how there were no images, and all I could see was Arabic calligraphy.

In the later part of my youth, I was exposed to new age mysticism and philosophy through the internet and I started to take on some of these ideas to form my worldview. I became interested in personal development, spirituality, meditation, yoga, and stuff like that. I sought the magical experience of what they call “enlightenment”.

New age mysticism lures people in with the mysterious nature of occult knowledge by mixing truths with falsehood. This I have come to understand now. As I revert I feel for those who are still being duped by this industry. It is filled with charlatans. I thought that I was getting wiser yet in reality I was only getting arrogant. Knowledge can be a double-edged sword in this way.

Approaching my 30s, I started to watch more documentaries and became exposed to the dark realities of the world. I became more serious about seeking the truth. It was the beginning of my awakening. Documentaries like “Loose Change” and “Gaslands” shocked me. “Earthlings” was a cathartic experience for me and I had to force myself to complete watching it. I cried a lot at the suffering of the animals. After I finished it, I turned decided to turn vegan.

The morning after deciding to turn vegan, I woke up to growling in my ear. It was an angry low growl that sounded like a dog. I had a dog and I thought it could have been my dog. Because I felt it so close to me. I woke up and my dog wasn’t there. My dog also doesn’t growl angrily at me without good reason.

This lasted about a couple of years or more. I also learned about the dark side of Hollywood, and the assassination of JFK also deeply affected me.

While I was a vegan looking for answers, someone asked me to watch the documentary “The Arrivals”. It had a dark vibe and I couldn’t keep watching it and I dropped it initially. There was a shock factor to it once again and I had to make myself return to it for the sake of seeking truth, regardless of how uncomfortable it made me. I managed to finish watching it when I returned to it. It was another paradigm shift, but this was an even more spiritual one than the decision to go vegan.

This time, I was finally facing the reality of God. I was finally seeing the invitation to the religion that is true. I realized the battle of good and evil that was taking place in real life, just like the movies. I had to make a decision. I could not look away, I had to choose a side.

I chose the religion of God and started to move towards Islam. I could see the enemy very clearly, and it is seeing the devil that led me to God.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”
– Charles Baudelaire

The evil of 9-11 shook me to the core. The devil became real for me. It led many like me towards Islam even though they started this blatant attack on Islam using it. They may work tirelessly to destroy religion, but it’s really just pathetic.

But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners. The Quran, 8:30

Soon after, I converted to Islam and took a leap of faith. I trusted that my intuition was right, although I had not yet truly a strong understanding of the religion. I knew in my heart that this is God’s religion(through His enemies) even though I was not seeing it evident its people. I did not have very strong impressions from my interactions with Muslims. And I did not really have someone to guide me as I walked into this path.

There were a couple of brothers who did reflect the authenticity of the religion before I converted, and I still keep in touch with them to this day. They have good character. And it was also evident to me that it was emanating from their faith. It may be a subtle thing, but it really matters how we show up to the world as Muslims.

May Allah raise them in rank and grant them Jannatul Firdaus. What they do for the world is immeasurable. These are brothers who had always prayed at work, and that act alone did have an effect on me. Although I was not too conscious of it. I would be curious about their steadfastness in prayer. They would leave to pray at different times during the day, regardless of inconvenience. This is something I did not see in other religions. How seriously they took it, said a lot without them needing to talk about their faith at all. They didn’t seem to be simply following cultural practices.

Muslims can make a huge difference in the world simply by our sincerity in practice. Without even saying a word. We are all always observing each other. I could also sense the effect that prayer had on them. They were brothers who reflected good character. They demonstrated a sense of inner strength, patience, and earnestness. It is my hope that I may also reflect the qualities of a believer of Allah like these brothers and do well in this test of life.

So I become a Muslim and was essentially reborn. This is the beginning of the rest of my journey.

جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا‎ for reading.