I have found peace in the seeking of knowledge. Seeking knowledge that is, for the sake of getting to the truth. I feel that there is nothing more valuable than the truth. It feels like coming home, to me. I have been seeking truth and knowledge for quite a while now. For about 15-20 years or so.
“The pleasure that the student experiences when they seek knowledge overwhelms all the pleasures of this life.”
Imam Sa’di’s Tafsir (p. 704)
Before this knowledge-seeking journey, I felt like I was simply drifting through life. Not knowing my place or purpose, simply waiting for inspiration to find me. I dabbled with things and would enjoy pastimes and activities, but nothing moved my soul.
Ever since I embarked on this mission, it has been about seeking safety in understanding. Understanding how to navigate the world, and this life. How to navigate with people. People had always given me a hard time, growing up.
I never felt understood. Perhaps that sparked my desire to understand.
ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ Allah has increased me in understanding over the years. As a result, I do feel safer. Consider being saved from the hellfire, how does one even express the magnitude of it?
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever travels a path in search of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise.”
Sahih Muslim 2699
I didn’t even know that hell was real! When I was young, heaven and hell were mentioned in movies and passing speech but no one around me spoke about it seriously. So it became just an idea. It wasn’t a part of my reality growing up. It became a joke.
How sad and frightening is it, that the most serious matter, the punishment of eternal hellfire becomes a joke to the people?
Ignorance has become normalized. It’s okay to not know. Some even say that ignorance is bliss. Is it? And for how long? As far as I know, my ignorance has only brought about my suffering. And increasingly, much of my effort goes into the eradication of my ignorance. The more I know, the more I come to realize how little I know.
O you, who spends his lifetime disobeying his Lord, no one amongst your enemies is wicked to you more than you are to yourself.
Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya
As I have to come to learn about the mountains of knowledge we have in the tradition of Islam, I become like a grain of sand in the desert. They would memorize entire books even at a young age, while I am here struggling to remember a mere fraction of it as a result of my sins.
The effect of our sins on our memory is something I learned about recently. There is so much knowledge that we laymen are not privy to. We are being driven to destruction.
I find that this experience of finding peace in knowledge and truth isn’t commonly shared. I find that it makes some people very uncomfortable. Anything that ruffles their set opinions, beliefs, or worldview is met with resistance, even contempt.
Maybe I have been, and still am, just highly aware of how much in need I am of guidance. Guidance to see things clearer, do things better and just be better. There’s a humility that is necessary for allowing our ideas and ourselves to be shaken, or broken.
I think that my self-development work arose out of a codependent need to become better to “earn love”. If I was this or that, I would finally be enough. Or worthy. Eventually, I have come to learn the heartbreaking lesson that love, is not earned. But that’s another subject.
Uncovering truths, breaking down matters to the core, and gaining understanding is like drinking water to me. It feels like a necessity. It’s like I need to know.
In our dystopian world of deception today, it’s not like drinking water, it’s like breathing air. Even our God-given right to breathe air is now being taken away with pseudo-scientific lies.
Truths are often inconvenient. Truth incites and demands change. I think that’s what creates discomfort in others who don’t feel the same about seeking the truth, or challenging narratives.
Truth makes us confront ourselves. And it can be daunting. Like watching “Earthlings” was to me. I was confronted with the choice of possibly realizing I might be a hypocrite who wouldn’t do the right thing after knowing what is happening to the animals or choosing not to know.
Are we disturbing the peace of others by shattering their beautiful lies? How could a lie be beautiful, is beyond me. It is the most wretched thing. It is nothing more than a disaster waiting to happen, like hell.
جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا for reading.